Nigga nigga nigga nigga nigga.
Too bad nobody would care.
I was suffocating in a hospital in Illinois.
My presence in this world means nothing. If I died, maybe two people would care. Neither of these two people are a part of my family, though I’d give anything to make them a part of it. Over the last three years it’s occurred to me that NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ME. It all started in 8th grade. I couldn’t talk to anyone without them saying “kid you’re a fucking loser get away from me.” I hated that place. I moved to Arizona, thinking it’d be better. The first day of school I met a guy. First impression? Pretty chill. He’s pretty much been one of my best friends since then. We’ll call him Mike. Through him I met a small group of friends and was invited into said group. They were very accepting of me. So things finally seemed to be going good for me. Until about 6 months ago. Though I’ve done nothing to make anyone hate me, in fact I’ve been the best friend I can to ANYONE, I’m becoming less and less of a part of my small group of friends. Today marks the fifth time we’ve made plans and I’ve been excluded at the last minute. Plans to go see a movie together. Us and some of the guys’ girlfriends. Though when I woke up today, extra early didn’t want to sleep too long and miss it, I sat at home awaiting a text or call saying “we’re on our way to pick you up” and it never came. I don’t fucking understand what the fuck I did to be excluded, but I’m so fucking frustrated. I’ve been there for these kids 24/7 I’ve been a ventilation system, advice giver, comedian, and most of all a great friend. Only to be excluded for whatever the fuck they think I’m a bad person for. I wish I could clone myself, just so I could have a friend that’s there for me. I have nobody to talk to. The two people I’ve talked to in the past have better things to do. I’m not even surprised. With the way things have been going for me recently, I look at everything with the worst case scenario in my mind, and 9 times out of 10 that’s what happens. It doesn’t even upset me anymore. That’s the level of depression I’m at. If I wanted to look up a song right now, it would probably tell me the song doesn’t exist or my speakers are broken. No surprise. If I made plans with someone to hang out, they’d end up cancelling. No surprise. If I decided I wanted to play CoD Black Ops my disk would break. No surprise. If I log onto WoW I’ll be ridiculed for missing tonight’s raid. Not a fucking surprise. These little things are the reminders of why my life is meaningless, and I’ll be using this to recount my daily disappointments. Thanks.